MARRIAGE MATERIAL

I was hoping my next article would be about meeting the 6'2"inch boy my mom found me. I was hoping to meet him, not because anything about this man sounded particularly exciting. He was an MBA graduate who worked in HR. But I thought, if nothing else, meeting this man would make for an interesting blog post. I live to entertain. And I’m trying to be open to the process of letting mommy find me a hubby. I am internally repulsed by the idea, of an arranged marriage. No offense to any one who found their soul mates that way. But I still decided to give him a chance.

When I say give him a chance I mean I glanced at his face book profile. It was like breaking into Fort Knox, the man had some insane privacy settings. There was only one picture that was accessible. It wasn’t particularly interesting. And that’s as far as I took it.

 He on the other hand had full access to my unabashed profile. I am not sure how long he was on it, or what he saw, that sent him running in the opposite direction. It may have been the chin piercing. It may have been all the very drunk pictures. Pictures of me hugging men and women. Or maybe it was the pictures of me kissing my ex boyfriend. In my defence -  those were up there from when he was my boyfriend. Or maybe he is pro BJP, and dating a congress girl was just more than he could handle.

So I’m sorry to disappoint you guys but there wont be an article on my meeting the 6'2"boy. Cause the 6'2" boy, who was using the modern technology of the Internet and facebook, couldn’t handle my modern-ness. I was too modern. I’ll try not to sound too disappointed.

I am 26 years old and I am a month away from being 27.  I run my own company. And we do great things. I have a chin piercing and a tattoo. I can drink all night and I can dance till the morning light. I hug people I love. And I love lots of people. I am a loyal friend and the best kind of lover. I am fun and funny. And one day I will write a book and you Mr. 6'2". You will not be a page. Not even a paragraph. How sad for you.

IS IT IN HIS KISS?

After the last set of setbacks on the boy front, my mother re-petitioned to join the cause. So I figured, what the hell, how bad could it get. I didn’t think she was taking her new role very seriously, it had been weeks and I hadn’t heard anything. I wasn’t too upset.  But what I didn’t realize is that she was so sly about it, the evil plotting had begun. I was clueless. A week ago in the middle of an evening in front of the TV, while she is complaining about how I should be cleaning my room she throws in, don’t you think its time to take down some of the excessively intimate pictures with your EX from Facebook. I brush this of as random mother worry that I may still go and look at these pictures and reminisce. But a week later when she says there’s this boy I found and you can go check out his Facebook profile.  All the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. This boy has one profile picture, mom says he’s 6'2". How had my mother found this boy?? She had enlisted the help of some discreet matchmaker. What were her search criteria? Well she had asked how tall I was, apparently 5'5" is pretty tall for a girl. It was going to be hard to find a boy tall enough for me.(PAUSE TO LAUGH). Anyone who knows me knows height has never been an issue. (no I never dated a midget but some boys have come close)

My own checklist is this:

1.     They must be funny.

2.     They must smell good.

3.     They must read. (not talking about literacy here)  

4.     They must not be a jobless bum.

5.     And the recently added to list requirement of must not be in love with ex-girlfriend. (you know why)

This isn’t tailor made for me, it’s probably what any woman’s basic checklist looks like, but finding a man that fit these criteria is surprisingly difficult. This list was a response to a lot of trial and error. I didn’t always have a list in fact as far back as I can remember I had only one rule of thumb, you could tell if a man was for you when you kissed him. If there was a spark, a piece of electricity when two people were close, something unexplained that left you light headed, butterflies in your stomach then the deal was closed. 

As you can imagine this rule makes a hunt for a man very interesting and extremely fun.  It’s not the best and most practical rule but a man can check all the boxes, could also have all the extra customization features of cooking, dancing, gardening, travelling, serenade and likes dogs but if there is no chemistry there is nothing to speak of. And just chemistry, is a bad idea. It’s how I ended up with my college boyfriend. Opposites attract and how. We had so little in common but when he held my hand I thought I was going to die, every single time.  The first time we kissed, we were in a dingy boys hostel room in the middle of a lunch break. I have no explanation as to how we made that work for as long as it did other than the kissing was great.

Anyway, that was eons ago, I was young and foolish.  Not that I’m much older and wiser now. In fact I don’t think I’m any closer to figuring out what I want. But lately I feel like the universe is helping me answer questions about what I need. It’s given me chances to explore men I thought were a sure shot, and shown me how far from good they actually were for me. It’s shown me boys I liked that didn’t like me back.  And it’s shown me boys that’s liked me that I didn’t like back. There have been deal breakers and questions about what that actually is.

I just hope I know what I’m looking for and I hope I recognize it when I find it.

Will he be someone like you?